Living Life Well Takes Practice: Part 3

First of all, just to get this out of the way, the featured image is NOT me. Also, neither the picture, nor the blog entry is meant to be “fat shaming” in any way. This is a personal entry. I believe very strongly in body positivity and acceptance.

I wrote the first entry in this series during quarantine, May 13, 2020. The second entry was August 2, 2020. So, it’s been awhile. The truth is, that my health has gotten worse, not better: on so many levels.
I now weigh almost 200 pounds and have a BMI of 32.4.  My waist to hip ratio is so bizarrely off, that my pants will not stay up with the use of suspenders. (Belts have ceased to be a viable option.) I am so embarrassed by this that I always either wear my suspenders under my clothes (especially with shorts) or some sort of outer covering like a sweatshirt or sweater (even in summer) to cover them up. I am out of breath just walking up a flight of stairs. My normal walking pace has slowed considerably. My depression and anxiety are being managed with medications, but the reality is that I am “managing” things that only continue to get worse. My husband (very rightly) has been complaining about my snoring. And, at the risk of TMI, my libido is almost nonexistent. These are not complaints, they are just observations.

Food is absolutely a coping mechanism for me. And, enjoying alcohol has become part of a daily ritual. I am well aware that I am not coping any more; I am surviving.

Things came to head this morning.
Last night I installed an app that I stumbled on called “ShutEye.” I downloaded it, paid for a subscription, and set it up. The app (among other things to help improve the quality of sleep) records you throughout the night. It can fairly accurately pick up not only snoring, but teeth grinding (bruxism), and flatulence. After the night is over, it tells you how long it took you to fall asleep, the time that you were awake during the night, how long you were light sleeping, and how long you were deep sleeping. It records everything as proof – and very helpfully separates it out so that you can hear exactly what it sounds like. Perhaps the most damning thing of all is that it tells you the decibel level of your snoring. (Mine is a whopping 72! FYI, prolonged exposure to decibel levels 72 and above cause hearing damage. What?)

It was remarkably eye opening for me (pun not intended, but I’ll take it.) I already knew my health was lousy, and that I snored, and I had a lot of sympathy for my husband. Now I filled with guilt and more than sympathy – compassion. I am killing us both.

A couple of days ago I started some pretty serious lifestyle changes. I started Weight Watchers (WW) and started a workout routine that I hope will become regular. (In a month or two my plan is to add yoga into the mix. But, seriously, one thing at a time.) Today is only day three. This time I have the strength and effort of my husband who is doing WW with me. Although vanity is certainly a part of how I feel, I have felt body shame for a long time. I can say without hesitation that vanity and shame are not enough to motivate major lifestyle changes (for me) especially when dealing with stress, anxiety and depression.

This has nothing to do with “New Year’s Resolutions.” I have never – ever – been successful with those things. I’m looking at this as saving my life.

“Slow and steady wins the race.”
“One step, one thing, at a time.”
“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

At the moment I am using the following resources:

Apps for iPhone:
Weight Watchers, and
“Lose It!”
ShutEye

Books:
Body For life, Bill Phillips, 1999
Anatomy of Strength Training, Frederic Delavier, 2006
Anatomy of Muscle Building, Craig Ramsay, 2011
Bigger, Leaner Stronger, Michael Matthews, 2012

Facebook groups:
Weight Watchers Recipes and Tips
Body for Life (Men Only)
Body for Life

Instagram:
hejnasty
PlanetFitness
MensHealthMag
applefitnessplus

And….let’s not get carried away. This is enough for now. I am sure I will change things and add as I go. But, seriously, one step at a time.